Say What, Now?

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Please welcome my friend Emily Conrad to the blog. Today she’s sharing a story about a time she misheard her husband. Hilarity and deep thoughts ensued. Bear in mind as you read that the word brat, in addition to being a derogatory term for an ill-behaved child, can also be short for bratwurst. Enjoy!


I stared at my husband, certain I’d misheard him.

“What?” I asked.

He drove on oblivious, like no unusual sequence of words had just tumbled from his mouth. The passing countryside offered no clues to help me decode his statement. He glanced over like my cause for confusion was as much a mystery to him as his declaration had been to me.

“What did you just say?” I prodded. “Because it sounded like, ‘I would hate to live on the same brat as a crumbling world.’”

Wouldn’t we all.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m from Wisconsin, so I like brats, but can you imagine the grease we’d encounter, living on a ballpark sausage? Add a crumbling world, and the situation couldn’t get much worse.

In all seriousness, I do happen to think this world is passing away. 1 John 2:17 says it is.

And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

Thankfully, as believers in Christ, we’re promised a much better, more secure home than any dwelling we have now. In fact, I’d suggest that compared with our eternal homes with Jesus, our current houses will look even less appealing than the idea of a processed meat home sounds as you read this.

Do you ever think about that? How much better an eternity with Jesus will be than anything we experience here?

But back to the question at hand. Had my husband really specified he would hate to live on a brat with a crumbling world?

Sadly, no.

I was so far off that he had to stop and think for a while before he was able to recall his words.

Finally, enunciating carefully, he repeated himself. “I’d hate to live on the same property as a rundown building.”

Oh. Yeah, I guess. Not as much as he’d hate living on a brat, I’d bet, but something tells me he hasn’t put as much thought into that as I have.


In addition to spending time contemplating what it would be like to make her home on a processed German meat product, Emily also does some fiction writing. Check out her author page to learn more about her and her work. If I’m not mistaken, the paperback edition of her book Justice releases this week. I read it a few months ago, and you can find my Goodreads review here. Congratulations, Emily!

I’d like to thank Emily again for being here. Have you read her book? What did you think? Make sure to drop her a greeting and a few words in the comments.

Happy Monday, everyone! May your hearts be light and your coffee effective!

7 Ways to Deal with Imposter Syndrome

Do you ever feel like an incompetent failure whose successes have been a fluke? Do you fear that your inadequacy will be revealed at any moment?

I do. Whenever the feeling hits, I resort to one of these failsafe methods.

7 Ways to Deal with Imposter Syndrome

  • Make it stare at my last finished project. (“Take a good look. I SAID LOOK AT IT.”)
  • Take it for a run. (It often grows tired and lags behind.)
  • Challenge it to a dance off. (We’re both bad dancers, but Imposter Syndrome’s worse.)
  • Sign it up for the SpaceX mission to Mars. (Of course I believe the rumors. And as a bonus, I can watch the launch from my front yard.)
  • Read aloud from Moby Dick. (The chapter on whales puts it to sleep.)
  • Punch it in the face. (Right hook.)
  • Banish it with coffee. (Effective and enjoyable.)

This morning I’ve opted for the coffee.


In all honesty, I’m not certain that Imposter Syndrome is the right term for what I’ve been feeling these days. It’s more like a languid torpor brought on by the sneaking suspicion that this project will never actually end.

I know it’s a lie, but at the moment, it feels true; and whenever it’s time to work, I just want to recline on my purple plush chaise lounge with a bottle of smelling salts like a damsel in a Victorian novel. (Also, I want a purple plush chaise lounge. But who doesn’t?)

Have you found helpful ways of dealing with Imposter Syndrome? How do you motivate yourself to keep going when you feel overwhelmed by challenging work? Please share in the comments below.

Happy Monday, everyone! May your coffee be stronger than your uncertainty.

Ruth’s Extremely Helpful Do-It-Yourself Online Dating Profile Sample Questionnaire


Note: This post was originally published in 2015 on my former blogging site. It’s been refreshed and relocated for your convenience. Enjoy!

Recently someone asked a friend of mine if she’d ever considered internet dating and seemed shocked when she said she wasn’t interested.

I wasn’t shocked. I get it. Internet dating’s a lot of work.

Consider the process. When singles first join an online dating service, they’re immediately tasked with filling out long, tedious, one-size-fits-all surveys. Frankly, it feels a lot like homework.

Homework isn’t pointless, of course; and while the online-dating system does work occasionally, that doesn’t mean it can’t be improved.

Perhaps one way to refine the system would be to spice it up by offering our own questions.

I’ve provided a sample set below.

Ruth’s

Extremely Helpful

Do-It-Yourself

Online Dating Profile

Sample Questionnaire

Your Name:

Childhood Nickname(s):

Your Age (select one): 

[ ] Old Enough
[ ] Older
[ ] Oldest
[ ] Benjamin Button

Your Body Type (select one): 

[ ] Hourglass
[ ] Anchovy
[ ] Chopstick
[ ] Texas
[ ] Yam

Your Personality Type (select one): 

[ ] Chocolate
[ ] Vanilla
[ ] Salsa
[ ] Triple Venti Vanilla Bean Soy Latte with No Foam
[ ] Turnip

You in a Crisis (select one):

[ ] Okoye
[ ] 007
[ ] River Tam
[ ] Mr. Bean

Languages (select all that apply):

[ ] Pop Culture
[ ] Logic
[ ] Irony
[ ] Math
[ ] Puns
[ ] Philosophy
[ ] Theology
[ ] Computers
[ ] Scifi
[ ] History
[ ] Fashion
[ ] Alternate History
[ ] Music
[ ] ¡Emotions!
[ ] Sportsball
[ ] Real Talk
[ ] Books
[ ] Drivel

Complete the Sentence: “I love long walks on  ____________.”

[ ] the beach
[ ] the moon
[ ] tightropes
[ ] the Dark Side

Your Sense of Humor:

[ ] Michael Scott
[ ] Lucy Ricardo
[ ] April Ludgate
[ ] Severus Snape

How would you describe your emotional resting state?

[ ] Solid
[ ] Liquid
[ ] Gas
[ ] Plasma
[ ] Dark Matter

You without coffee:

[ ] Lethargy
[ ] Stupor
[ ] Delirium
[ ] Angst
[ ] Selective Mutism
[ ] Vegetative State
[ ] N/A (don’t drink coffee)*
*Please abandon survey.

Select One:

[ ] Salty
[ ] Sweet

Select One:

[ ] Breakfast foods
[ ] Other foods

Select One:

[ ] Malcolm X
[ ] Malcolm Gladwell
[ ] Malcolm, Prince of Cumberland
[ ] Malcolm in the Middle

Select One:

[ ] Early Bird
[ ] Night Owl
[ ] Screech Owl
[ ] Ostrich

Select One:

[ ] Reading
[ ] Writing
[ ] Arithmetic
[ ] Swashbuckling

Name Your Ideal Man: 
Name Your Ideal Woman: 

Reasons you are late for things (select all that apply):

[ ] No real sense of time and space
[ ] You never write anything down
[ ] Wardrobe issues
[ ] Getting distracted
[ ] Getting lost
[ ] Netflix
[ ] Naps
[ ] Caught up at work
[ ] Trapped in a time loop
[ ] Stopping to help turtles cross the street
[ ] Different cultural understanding of time
[ ] Exempt (you are never late)

Complete the sentence: “There is no _________”

[ ] fear in love
[ ] business like show business
[ ] Frigate like a Book / To take Us Lands away
[ ] crying in baseball
[ ] try
[ ] spoon

Select a theatre:

[ ] Movie
[ ] Military
[ ] Surgical
[ ] Puppet

Music:

[ ] Playlist
[ ] Shuffle
[ ] Same song on repeat

Ideal room temperature (F):

[ ] 60-65
[ ] 65-70
[ ] 70-75
[ ] 75-80

The number of pillows necessary for sleep:

[ ] 1
[ ] 2-3
[ ] 5-7
[ ] 8-12
[ ] ALL THE PILLOWS

Documentaries:

[ ] Always
[ ] Sometimes
[ ] Never

Talking during plays/movies:

[ ] Yes
[ ] No

Eating in the car:

[ ] Yes
[ ] No

Sharing fries:

[ ] Yes
[ ] No

Stopping to ask for directions:

[ ] Yes
[ ] No

Disobeying the GPS in lieu of common sense:

[ ] Always
[ ] Sometimes
[ ] Never

Surprises: 

[ ] Always
[ ] Sometimes
[ ] Never

Best Holiday:

[ ] Thanksgiving
[ ] Easter
[ ] Christmas
[ ] New Year’s
[ ] Pi Day
[ ] National Battery Day
[ ] What If Our Pets Had Opposable Thumbs Day
[ ] The Festival of Sleep

Reading:

[ ] Yes

Travel:

[ ] Yes

Religion:

[ ] Jesus


So there you have it! My very own do-it-yourself online dating profile sample questionnaire.

What do you think about the concept? What questions would you include if you wrote your own? Let us know in the comments below! (You don’t have to be single to chime in: some of us could use some pointers on what to add to our own surveys.)

In other news, as of this posting, the e-book for Collapsible: A Novel of Friendship, Broken Bones, Coffee, Shenanigans, and the Occasional Murder is temporarily on sale for $1.99. Snap it up! Also, if you’ve already read and enjoyed any (or all) installments in the trilogy, could I prevail on you to leave a sentence or two of an honest review? Reviews boost visibility for new authors and help us build trust with wider audiences.

Plus, I’ll love you forever. So there’s that.

Happy Monday, everyone! I hope your day is fabulous. May your coffee be hot, your A/C cool, and your online dating profile anything but boring.

13 Signs You Belong in a YA Novel

Every genre has its clichés. Some you love; some you hate; all you find instantly recognizable. Young Adult novels are no exception to this phenomenon.

You can spot clichés on the page, but how good are you at spotting whether or not you meet the criteria yourself?

13 Signs You Belong in a YA Novel

  1. You hang out with a ragtag group of misfits.
  2. You wear hoodies almost exclusively.
  3. You have a precocious younger sibling in need of rescuing.
  4. You have a useless best friend.
  5. You’re involved in a love triangle.
  6. You have a complicated family situation.
  7. You have powers.
  8. Your lab partner is the mysterious new kid.
  9. You’ve inexplicably angered the school’s queen bee.
  10. You are misunderstood.
  11. You’re relieved when the apocalypse interferes with prom.
  12. You are totally average-looking yet secretly beautiful.
  13. You are the chosen one.

~~~

Do you read YA? Which clichés do you love? Which do you hate? Which actually seem super relatable because you’ve lived them yourself? Tell us in the comments below!

In other news, my BIG GIVEAWAY is winding down. If you follow me on social media, there’s no way you missed it (I’ve been super promote-y, #sorrynotsorry); but just in case you did somehow miss it: I’m giving away five books to five winners, plus tons of bonuses, including amazing hand-stamped aluminum bookmarks from Whimsical Words Studio.

Friends

The contest closes at midnight on Tuesday (July 31, 2018), so stop what you’re doing and enter right now. If you’re already entered, don’t forget to share. Every share and every friend of yours who joins earns you more points.

Plus, everyone who enters earns automatic bonuses. And who doesn’t love bonuses? Nobody, that’s who. So go get ’em.

Happy Monday, everyone! May your day be anything but cliché; may your chances of winning the giveaway soar like eagles; and may your bonuses flow as freely as your coffee.

5 BOOKS. 5 CHANCES TO WIN. (+ BONUSES)

Surprise! It’s a hot summer GIVEAWAY!

Contest Details:

Duration: Enter by July 31, 2018.

Prizes: 5 winners will take their pick of 1 free book from among Ruth’s currently published books. Winners will be announced on August 1, 2018, via e-mail and will have 5 days to make their selections and claim their prizes.

Check out my (3)

Bonuses: There will be small, regular bonuses in contest-related e-mails (so watch for those!), but the really exciting news is that two of the top five winners will also receive a bonus hand-stamped aluminum bookmark from Whimsical Words Studio, inscribed with a quote from The Proper Care and Feeding of Singles: “Friends know the patterns of our souls.”

Friends

See below for details on how to enter and–most importantly–how to win.

Important note: Our e-mail filters love us and want to keep us safe, but they don’t always know what’s best for us. After you enter, immediately check that contest-related e-mails aren’t being filtered into your spam folders. I’d hate for you to miss out on the prize announcement, bonuses, and special post-contest surprises. There are definitely lots of treats in store for everyone who enters, and I don’t want anyone to miss out.

Click HERE to enter

and reveal your first bonus!